Guest Blog Week Round 7

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Diana Ferris

 

Hello dear readers, my name is Diana Ferris. I am a Latina Romance Writer who was born in Lima Peru but was raised in the good old USA. I started writing when I was about fifteen years old. This was back when Harry Potter was all the rage and Mugglenet had a chat room where people used to post their stories in the comments section. I used to wake up early on the weekends, even though I am notorious for sleeping in. I didn’t care if the stories were badly written or the punctuation was off, all I knew was that I had discovered a world within a world. After many months of just sitting on the computer reading all these wonderfully creative stories that included my favorite characters, I felt the inclination to write but I was nervous about how it would be received, so I didn’t. For months I agonized until one day I just happened to be reading a simple short story and thought, “I could do this.” and thus began my journey into the wonderful world of daydreaming and putting it on paper. For once my crazy thoughts weren’t useless and people seemed to really like it. I felt powerful at a time that I was powerless. Literature in general saved me from despair and so I fell in love until I was forced to stop by family members who just didn’t understand. Depression hit pretty quickly after that and it stuck for fifteen years. I kept making excuses to not read or write. “I have too many responsibilities. I have a kid to raise.” Unfortunately, those excuses where a way for me to hide the fact that I felt inadequate and like I didn’t deserve the praise that thirsted for. You see by the time I was 23 I was married and had just had a baby. I had no outlet beyond what was expected of me and for a long time I began to fade. I was no longer just myself. Now, I was just someone’s wife and mother. I felt myself beginning to disappear and lose the person that I truly was. All the voices and stories in my head were stuck and I felt ready to explode for I had no way to quiet them. I don’t suffer from Schizophrenia, but if you are a writer you will understand that your stories tend to have a life of their own. Hell, at times you have no control of what you plan on writing and instead end up with a story that is entirely different than what you first expected. Going back to my history, I ended up in a hospital with severe depression and I had to deal with it for a long time, which I did and finally, I was able to function correctly where duties are concerned, but I felt empty. Finally, at thirty years old, I was sitting in my house, in front of my computer looking at the same Youtube videos for the tenth time in a row. I looked around the quiet living room, curtains drawn, seven-year-old kid in school whose needs were not as intense as before therefore, I didn’t need to be as involved. I was alone again, except this time I had no one to stop me from reading or even writing. I felt the need to reach out and from there I made a Tumblr profile and began to fangirl over a new book called The Hunger Games. I read fanfiction after fanfiction and began to make friends that I could see myself in. Finally, within the year I decided to try my hand at writing again. I was rusty as hell and I made many mistakes, but somehow people flocked to my stories and often asked for more. It’s been two years since I’ve started that Tumblr page and things have changed. I’ve rediscovered my passion and finally, there is no one to stop me. In fact, I have the most support I’ve ever had in my entire life. I feel whole again, like I finally have purpose and something to call my own. For once I won’t be known as someone’s mother or wife, but I’ll be known for what I love to do, which is to write. I’ve begun to get to know myself and to make decisions that are in my best interest. I still suffer from anxiety and depression and at times my PTSD gets in the way of my passion but now, I’m kinder to myself, more forgiving of my failings and instead choose to focus on bettering my skills. I’ve come a long way but all I can say is that although writing will never be easy or always enjoyable (I really hate editing.) I know for once, that whatever I am doing is worthwhile. I am worthwhile